Humor: Top 5 WWJT, What Would Jesus Tax?

Do you want to know how not to correctly interpret Scripture? An opinion piece at Time by Erika Christakis can show us exactly that.

The writer and educator from Harvard, wanted to show hypocrisy on the part of Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan in the way he applies the Bible to public policy.

In a way, we are all guilty of hypocrisy in some shape or form, so I suppose there is a case that could be made somewhere.

I know where a case is not made, however. That's in Christakis' piece. The only thing she is able to prove is that she is incapable of interpreting the Bible correctly.

Here's the good part, and by "good," I mean "completely wretched."

As near as we can tell, Jesus would advocate a tax rate somewhere between 50% (in the vein of “if you have two coats, give one to the man who has none”) and 100% (if you want to get into heaven, be poor). Mostly, he suggested giving all your money up for the benefit of others.

Yeah. She went there.

But if we are going to completely ignore what Jesus was talking about (individual generosity) with our own political ideas on taxation (government mandated charity), then let's go for it. Why stop there?

Let's make Jesus say all sorts of political arguments that He never really made. Eisegesis is fun.

Figs are the new symbol of greed and they must be destroyed.
Photo from RGBstock.com by Neil Hoskins

5. Bread – In Matthew 4:4, Jesus said that man should not live on bread alone. Clearly, he was in favor of giving food stamps to everyone that cover all the steak you can eat. You can't just live off of bread. You need some meat. That's what Jesus would want.

4. Funeral homes – Jesus compared Pharisees to white washed tombs in Matthew 23:27. Obviously, the comparison was negative, so it must mean that Jesus felt funeral homes need to be taxed more. They have enough money to go out painting tombs willy-nilly. They must not be paying their fair share.

3. Figs – You know what Jesus really doesn't like: figs. He curses a fig tree in Matthew 21:18-22. Sorry Fig Newtons. Whether you are a cookie or a cake is of no concern now. Jesus has cursed you, which means that all of your profits are evil and must be taxed at an extraordinarily high rate. I never really liked you anyway.

2. Pork – If Jesus sent a giant crowd of demons into a herd of pigs (Mark 5:12-13), what must He think about pork? It might be the other white meat, but in the new Jesus-inspired tax plan, it's dead meat. Pork chops, sausage, ham and most other pig products will be taxed in the new Legion tax bracket. Except bacon. Even Jesus knows, you don't mess with bacon.

1. Wind power & hydroelectricity – The Gospels only record Jesus offering rebukes eight times. Two of the eight were rebukes against the wind and the waves. Is it not clear that Jesus despises wind turbines and hydroelectric dams? What would the tax rate for a rebuke be? I'm not sure, but I feel certain we can be assured it would be at least 68.9%, perhaps even as high as 93.2%.

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What else would Jesus tax? Surely there are many other things that the Son of God felt strongly enough about that He outlined his own governmental tax plan that has laid hidden for ages until now ... discovered just in time for election season.