Almost every "romantic" song is worthless as far as real life romance goes. They speak of feelings as if they can never fade. They talk of love as if it was something that "just happens."
Those ideas, while carrying grains of truth for the beginnings of relationships, have nothing to say for deep, lasting love that embraces commitment and sacrifice, in other words, actual love.
However, today, as I think about being married to my wife for 11 years, one love song does stand out in my mind as being the best advice you could ever get from a pop song.
I've been married for a third of my life, essentially my entire adult life. I graduated college in May and was married in September of 2001. If I know anything as an adult, it's married life. It is maintaining a relationship with the woman I love and having it grow for over a decade as her husband.
One of the ways our relationship works is that she is my rock. There are numerous couples who have endured intense troubles. That has not been our case, but we have definitely went through hard choices and difficult times. Everyone has those. It's part of life.
That is one of the reasons so many pop songs are worthless when speaking about love, beyond the initial infatuation stage. They don't address life when the storms come. Being a rock is not moving or emotional on the surface, but those that have seen their relationship grow through the stages of love and marriage know that virtually nothing could be more valuable, more precious, more romantic than being supportive.
I've moved my wife away from her family. I've moved my wife into a crime ridden neighborhood. I've moved her into my house with my parents. I've moved my wife to a place where we hardly knew anyone and neither of us had jobs. I've moved my wife so much, but she has never moved from being my support.
Continually, my wife encourages me in what I have done, who God has created me to be, while still pushing me to be better and do more. She loves me as the man I am and sees me for the man I can be. Words cannot describe how monumental that is to me.
When I was in high school, I loved Edwin McCain's song I'll Be. It just sounds like a romantic song should sound. It's poetic and moving. It's heartfelt and real. Some of the lyrics spoke to the teenage me, but some of the lyrics were beyond my perspective.
I never really understood why this guy was singing about how much he loved this girl and his climactic line was that he was going to be the greatest fan of her life. How is that romantic? Why is that so praiseworthy?
Now, I know. I realize the truth of that song. Marriage and relationships work when you are a fan of the other person. You want what's best for them. You support them regardless of all else. It is similar in some ways to being a sports fan.
Great fans never change allegiances. They don't jump from team to team depending on who's winning that year. They have their team and that is their team for the rest of their life.
It's not that you don't see the weaknesses and failings, you do, but you choose to look past them because you are a fan.
In a relationship to have the "greatest fan" means that you constantly have someone who supports you no matter what, but who constantly challenges you to be and do more. It is encouragement and excitement, foundations and fireworks. Somehow, it brings together stability with adventure.
If you want your marriage to last, marry someone who is your greatest fan. Be the greatest fan of your spouse.
Today, I'm thankful that I've been married to my greatest fan for 11 years. I'm blessed to look into the strands in her eyes that color them wonderful, that stop me and steal my breath. I promise to her that I'll be better when I'm older and even more in love. I will continually strive to be the greatest fan in her life, like she already is in mine.
Those ideas, while carrying grains of truth for the beginnings of relationships, have nothing to say for deep, lasting love that embraces commitment and sacrifice, in other words, actual love.
However, today, as I think about being married to my wife for 11 years, one love song does stand out in my mind as being the best advice you could ever get from a pop song.
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| Photo from morguefile.com |
One of the ways our relationship works is that she is my rock. There are numerous couples who have endured intense troubles. That has not been our case, but we have definitely went through hard choices and difficult times. Everyone has those. It's part of life.
That is one of the reasons so many pop songs are worthless when speaking about love, beyond the initial infatuation stage. They don't address life when the storms come. Being a rock is not moving or emotional on the surface, but those that have seen their relationship grow through the stages of love and marriage know that virtually nothing could be more valuable, more precious, more romantic than being supportive.
I've moved my wife away from her family. I've moved my wife into a crime ridden neighborhood. I've moved her into my house with my parents. I've moved my wife to a place where we hardly knew anyone and neither of us had jobs. I've moved my wife so much, but she has never moved from being my support.
Continually, my wife encourages me in what I have done, who God has created me to be, while still pushing me to be better and do more. She loves me as the man I am and sees me for the man I can be. Words cannot describe how monumental that is to me.
When I was in high school, I loved Edwin McCain's song I'll Be. It just sounds like a romantic song should sound. It's poetic and moving. It's heartfelt and real. Some of the lyrics spoke to the teenage me, but some of the lyrics were beyond my perspective.
I never really understood why this guy was singing about how much he loved this girl and his climactic line was that he was going to be the greatest fan of her life. How is that romantic? Why is that so praiseworthy?
Now, I know. I realize the truth of that song. Marriage and relationships work when you are a fan of the other person. You want what's best for them. You support them regardless of all else. It is similar in some ways to being a sports fan.
Great fans never change allegiances. They don't jump from team to team depending on who's winning that year. They have their team and that is their team for the rest of their life.
It's not that you don't see the weaknesses and failings, you do, but you choose to look past them because you are a fan.
In a relationship to have the "greatest fan" means that you constantly have someone who supports you no matter what, but who constantly challenges you to be and do more. It is encouragement and excitement, foundations and fireworks. Somehow, it brings together stability with adventure.
If you want your marriage to last, marry someone who is your greatest fan. Be the greatest fan of your spouse.
Today, I'm thankful that I've been married to my greatest fan for 11 years. I'm blessed to look into the strands in her eyes that color them wonderful, that stop me and steal my breath. I promise to her that I'll be better when I'm older and even more in love. I will continually strive to be the greatest fan in her life, like she already is in mine.
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